I love the gym, the workouts, and the members. Most days I’m extremely thankful that I had the opportunity and took the risk to start my own business.
It certainly hasn’t been easy, that’s for damn sure. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve done. Running my own business is new to me and everyday I’m trying to figure out something I haven’t done before. I quickly put pressure on myself that everything needs to be done perfectly. When I put that pressure on myself my days suffer. I’m more drained, I don’t do better work, and I’m less present with the people around me.
It seems backwards, but the times when I’ve felt the most comfortable in my own skin are the times when I’ve made the biggest impact on others around me. I’m not trying to be something – I’m simply confident in myself. It feels backwards to me because I like to think that the harder that I try the better something will be. That if I’m not putting pressure on myself things will fall through the cracks. I’m often driven by deep insecurity that I’m not enough. And honestly, I’m used to the feeling so it’s comfortable. There’s a part of me that’s terrified to let go – if I let go and don’t try hard then I won’t achieve enough, my business will fall apart. Deep down I believe that the hard work and the results are what make me valuable – not who I am.
I read a quote this week that resonated with where I’m at in life at the moment. It says: “you’re blessed when you’re confident with just who you are, no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourself proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.”
This whole starting a business process has been an opportunity to learn to better trust myself. To trust that I can make decisions, guide a business, and provide a great service to folks who step in the door. To be confident in the decisions that I make. To trust that failure or success doesn’t really matter, life is all about the process over perfection. To trust that I won’t make all of the right decisions, but everything that happens is an opportunity to grow.
There’s so many “experts” out there trying to tell me how I should be running my business. How to sell, how much money I should be making, how I should do marketing, etc. It’s easy to hear all of these things and start to doubt myself. It’s easier to take someone else’s formula and apply it to a business than it is to trust that I can make my own decisions and run a successful gym. That’s not to say that I don’t want to listen to others that have done this before me, but ultimately I want this to be my business – not just an imitation of what someone else has done. I want it to have my fingerprints all over it. I’d rather fail trying to do something that is fully me than succeed doing something that isn’t. I have to remind myself of this daily – it’s a terrifying choice to make, but then if this succeeds or fails I can look back and be proud of the effort that I gave.